The rise of situationships

If there is one thing this generation is absolutely terrified of, it would be labels. One might find that it’s easier to do all of these relationship-adjacent things, but not have to fully commit by foregoing labels. As of recent, this less-than-a-relationship-but-more-than-friends ordeal has developed a very fitting name: a situationship. 

Situationships have been on the rise as of late, most likely due to the overwhelming amount of media promoting this lack of commitment, as well as the fact that many modern relationships begin through social media. It also, theoretically, takes away the pressure of being in a committed relationship while still receiving the benefits of one. 

It is also important to understand exactly what a situationship is, though it has a rather loose definition. The general understanding is that a situationship is a relationship with heavy romantic undertones, but is still undefined. It is important to differentiate it from a talking stage, which is more of a precursor to a situationship or a relationship. Situationships also tend to involve a level of love bombing where an overwhelming amount of affection is shown early on, only to be revoked once the love bomber has accomplished their goal. Yet, more often than not, one of them disappears off the face of the earth without any specific reason. 

A common issue that arises from these tedious relations is the two individuals who are involved often aren’t on the same page about what they want from the relationship.  More often than not, there is one person who is strictly using the other person to fill a void or they simply aren’t ready to commit. Meanwhile, the other person has fallen head over heels for them and wants more than the other person can give them. 

Situationships embody the term limerence perfectly, as they can be a bit obsessive and you’re only seeing this person for their positive qualities. Often resulting in them leaving you devastated and constantly thinking about the “what ifs” and the “what could have beens” when the relationship ends. At least one person is guaranteed to end up getting hurt. 

Situationships, while in the short term can be convenient and fun, ultimately end up in heart break. Relationships require communication from both partners and a mutual agreement about where they want the relationship to go. Find a romantic partner who shares your desires for a relationship whether it’s long term or merely casual because without that mutual understanding, the relationship is guaranteed to crash and burn. 

The 3-6-9 rule

Relationships can be tough when you don’t know what you’re doing or there’s no real guideline for where in the relationship you should be with your partner. This is why a lot of teens these days have turned to a rule called the 3, 6, 9 rule. 

The 3, 6, 9 rule consists of general benchmarks for where you should potentially be with the person you’re dating and whether or not your relationship is going to last. The first three months are considered the “honeymoon phase” when no real conflict has arisen yet and you are still getting to know the other person. 

The next three months tend to be when more disagreements occur. It is common for people to put their partner on a pedestal early on in the relationship when they only see them for their perfections. But eventually, you need to accept that they have imperfections as well, and so these next three months are all about learning to love them at their worst, and not just at their best. 

Finally, those last three months are about decision-making and figuring out if this is a person you want to be with long-term. 

A big question that comes with this rule is “has this kind of formulaic dating taken the romance out of relationships?” While this rule is good in that it gives us basic guidelines for the stages of the relationship and fulfills our desire for structure, one could argue that all relationships are unique and different and might not follow this exact order of events. All in all, it’s good to keep this rule in mind, but it’s also important to be flexible and open to change. 

Sammy Says

“It should feel natural, rather than actively searching for it. When you don’t look for love, it finds you instead.”

• Emine Atajanova, junior

“You have to have love for yourself before you can give that love to somebody else. Be aware of your boundaries and never settle for less because once you do that, you begin to lose yourself.”

• Mikal Tesfatsion, sophomore 

“It is important to remember that everyone grows up in different environments with different beliefs, meaning they deal with situations differently than you. Always be open to adapting to their ways and hope that they learn to adapt to yours as well.”

• August Howden, sophomore 

“Figure out yourself first, like, are you ready for a relationship emotionally? As well as what you want from the relationship, and then see if the other person would be down for that.”

• Caleb Birku, senior

Nonchalantism in high school relationships

From talking stages that last months to late-night calls between two people who can’t seem to acknowledge each other in person, the curse of nonchalantism has plagued most of Gen-Z for many years. 

This curse, while existing before COVID-19, really began to grow and spread as people started to emerge from quarantine. With a year and a half online, teenagers’ social skills declined. This has greatly affected today’s high school dating pool, turning the ideas of romantic gestures into myths. 

This myth is widely known among teenagers as nonchalantism. To be nonchalant, according to the Oxford Dictionary, means to be “feeling or appearing casually calm and relaxed; not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm.” When applying this to the Gen-Z dating pool, the outcome is disinterested teenagers who wish to be in a relationship but don’t want to put in the effort for one. 

Nonchalant behavior is a common theme in teenagers’ relationships, and it often causes them to suffer. Since relationships are mainly created when two people care for each other, adding a sense of indifference can prevent their relationship from progressing and deepening. The outcome of this often results in an undefined relationship or no relationship at all. 

However, there is controversy over what is considered romantic vs. what is considered old-fashioned when it comes to what is expected by teenagers within their relationships. One big reason that nonchalantism has become such a big theme in today’s dating pool is because of many teenagers wanting to break out of the supposed “old-fashioned” dating norms. While some consider old-fashioned ways to be sexist, others long for a relationship that reflects many attributes of what dating used to be like before technology and COVID-19.

All of this has a huge impact on the romantic side of dating. Instead of getting asked on a date in person, you are often asked if you want to “hang out” or “meet up” through some form of social media. The effect that nonchalantism has had not only on teenage culture but also on their language has turned romantic relationships into casual dating in the snap of a finger. 

While some teenagers may be okay with this new culture of dating, others are greatly disappointed. With the idea of wanting to be swept off one’s feet becoming less and less likely as nonchalantism grows in Gen-Z culture, we are left with questions about what this means for our current generation and the generations to come. Is this “just a phase” as parents say, or do we as a generation need to learn and grow with it if it’s here to stay?